by Christopher Mason

(Recorded in Sagaponack, Long Island, uploaded to YouTube, and projected onto a giant screen in a hotel ballroom in Madras, India, for Nithu’s 50th birthday, July 2009.)

Click to view on YouTube: “Nithu, Vegetarian Rotarian”

to “When I’m 64” (in Bb)

Fifty years old, no wrinkles in sight, 

Not a hint of grey! 

What is Nithu’s secret? What’s the hidden truth?

How’s she tapped the fountain of youth?

Slender and lovely, tender and sweet, 

Strangely coiffed, but trim,

She remains outstanding

As Raja keeps expanding,

How does she stay so slim?

Is it her crazy diet that helps

Keep her looking svelte?

If it is, we must admit, we’d rather die

Than give her freakish diet a try!

Though she insists, Raja resists,

He won’t hit the gym

And so, at every party,

She’s Laurel and he’s Hardy,

She’ll never make him slim.  [Bb>G7]

to “That’s Why the Lady Is a Tramp.” (in C)

She won’t eat onions, and we’ve all observed,

She’s quite suspicious when dinner is served,

Though cooks may find her excessively rude,

My sister always sniffs her food!

She knows her onions; she’ll barely survive

The slightest whiff of a scallion (shallot) or chive, 

Forget raw garlic, for her it’s pure hell,

It just offends her sense of smell.

And if she sniffs just even a trace,

Behold her face!

She scowls! She howls! 

So if you’re tempted to make Nithu swoon,

Just touch an onion with her spoon! [C>G7]

to Yesterday (in C)

As a child, 

She was feisty and a little wild,

Took her older sister role too far,

She made us call her Nithuka.

While the volume blasted 

As Paatti watched TV,

Nithu studied hard

Passed her tests grade A, not B!

Very rough,

Just like Oobli Oobli, she was tough!

As a shining academic star

She made us call her Nithuka. [C>C7]

to “I Did It My Way” (in F)

But when she married Raja

Who’s a very lovely fellow,

She changed, and overnight, 

Nithu became so sweet and mellow!

We always will be grateful for

This splendid aberration,

When Raja-jaan inspired 

This major transformation!

Her worldview was informed 

By reading books by P.G. Wodehouse;

She studied Jeeves and Wooster

And evolved into a good spouse;

Her brother Raghu-jaan, is like Don Juan,

A little frantic!

She only wishes Raja-jaan

Was so romantic.

Nithu’s a marvelous mom,

She’s proud of Arun’s dedication,

With Prithvi, she made sure

He got a spoon-fed education.

In High School he tuned out, 

His concentration there was muddy

He played his drums, but did his sums, 

She made him study.

So young, so raven-haired,

That Nithu’s 50 seems surprising,

She’ll never stop informing Raja

That he should be exercising!

This webcast from New York 

Beamed from the twinkling stars above you

Is just to wish you Happy Birthday,

We all love you!